On having two hands

Photo Credit: The Therapy Booth

Photo Credit: The Therapy Booth

The majority of 2013 has been unexpected. And the more life changes occur, the more I’m grateful for my two hands. With both hands I’m able to hold the sacred and horrible, pain and joy, the already but not yet.

In one hand I hold that I miss my mom, and in the other I hold joy that after 30 years she’s forever cancer free.

In one hand I hold excitement for my spouse getting a new job, and in the other I hold the dread of my looking for a new job in a new city.

In one hand I hold the hope of the resurrection, and in the other I hold the reality that resurrected people can’t call or text back.

In one hand I hold that I one of my jobs is an interim position that’s a perfect fit, and in the other I hold that I’ll be leaving it even sooner than planned due to our move.

In one hand I hold that we will be moving back to the Southland, and in the other I hold that I will miss so much of the Windy City.

In one hand I hold that I wish there wasn’t even a need for children’s hospitals, and in the other I hold that I will miss working at such a fantastic one.

In one hand I hold that I hate that close friends are in the Lost a Parent Club, and in the other I hold gratitude that none of us is alone in the Clubhouse.

In one hand I hold that I’m in desperate need of predictability and routine, and in the other I hold the satisfaction of getting up every day and creatively filling my gift of time.

In one hand I hold deep gratitude for Chicago colleagues who enabled me to be with Mom for her last month, and in the other I hold deep gratitude for friends in the Carolinas who have already promised to be by my side for future milestones.

The transitions and new sense of normal continue…and I’m glad both hands are full.

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2 comments

  1. Kathi Worthington · · Reply

    Ahhhh—contradictions, the tension between joy and pain, gratitude and grief, the holy and the so terribly mundane not-quite-holy, the energy of new opportunities and the sadness of leaving a place where so much resonates with one’s soul. Sister, we who love you are by your side every step of the way.

  2. Lisa Diedrick · · Reply

    Once again you provide me with astonishingly wonderful messages and a deeper understanding of my own feelings – such a gift you have!

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